What I learned in college

            Leaving this page blank as an attempt at postmodern humor is not funny. The capital asset pricing model equals the risk free rate plus beta times the risk premium. The most commonly used words in the business school are "Michael" and "Porter." I still don't know what SUSA does, except to censor lines like this. Professors that are passionate about their subject are the best teachers. Marketing is psychology applied. Finance is economics applied. Business is theory applied. Good businesses solve problems. Bad businesses create them.

You'll remember that night you drove to Atlantic City at midnight on a whim for your friend's birthday longer than the quiz you failed the next day. People are not as self-interested as we've been taught to believe. People are not as altruistic as we'd like to believe. All-nighters in the 8^th floor La Plata lounge are the best way to avoid doing work. They are also one the best ways to make friends for the rest of your life.

Ferris Bueller was right. Also, that movie was actually about Cameron, not Ferris. Watch it again. It'll blow your mind. Wear flip flops in communal showers. There's a prison cell in Guatemala that's bigger than my sophomore year dorm room, or so I've heard. The earliest you have to get up is the amount of time it takes you to get to class. The machine that dispenses quarters for laundry will always be broken. Naps are key to sanity. You can put just about anything on bread and it will be delicious. The convenience store will always be closed at the times you need it. If someone is throwing up, don't ask them if they are okay – clearly, they're not. Your blanket will never properly fit your bed. Anything can be a drinking game. The threshold for ridiculousness or awesomeness is proportional to the number of years spent in college. You will meet at least one person who should have a reality show based on their life. Your parents suddenly start being cool. It's not alcoholism until you graduate. You will have incredibly deep and passionate arguments about things of absolutely no consequence. It's cheaper to buy a new printer than ink. Childhood cartoons are exactly as awesome as you remember them being.

 Your grade-point average is just a number. Your salary is just a number. Your height, your weight, and IQ are just numbers. Yes, these things do count. But the things you can't quantify are the things that really matter. Things like lazy Sunday mornings and Thanksgiving dinner. I dare you to put a number on that.

            You're going to make decisions you regret. How you deal with their consequences defines your character. Do tomorrow what doesn't have to be done today. Do the reading for class. It'll save a lot of work during exam weeks. The Economist and the BBC are good sources for reasonably unbiased news. It's slightly disconcerting that neither is American. Help start or create something. Join an organization that cares about what you care about. Dedicate yourself to it. Run for a position. Sure, it's a lot of work, but the people you meet along the way make it all worthwhile.

            Pay attention to politics. Vote even if you can spare the time. "Democracy," after all, "is not a spectator sport." This is our world and country to inherit. Apathy and cynicism are not good enough excuses. Be wary of –isms and ideologies. Read something that challenges your worldview every once in a while. Actually, just read something other than textbooks once in a while. People magazine and Us Weekly do not apply.

The most important thing about this article is that you shouldn't take my word on anything. Test the world out. From Shakespeare:

This above all: to thine own self be true.

And it must follow, as the night the day,